on asking why

a lot of people asked this question for us.  i, by some grace, have been granted a reprieve and the question of why me, why us has never taken hold or root in my heart.  i am comfortable with not knowing, despite the fact that all the medical tests came back with no anomalies, on either my or Maytali's part.  No elevated blood cells were found in Maytali's cord blood sample, which would have indicated an infection, no genetic anomalies, nada... which points a big fat finger at the question WHY?!, which happens to be, in normal circumstances, one of my favorite questions...

but not in this instance.  

i believe that most things are so much bigger than we are, and found a quote from Rilke which speaks to this so much better than I...

I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.  Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Much love to all who have questions, who are searching, may we learn to find some space for not knowing